I remember that when I was younger, I was told that I was gifted by my parents. That I belonged in the gifted program, and that it was something that was a part of me. I tested into the gifted program later than most children, because I was a different kind of gifted than the test was searching for. I wasn’t academically gifted, although I did often receive high marks on tests and quizzes – nothing insane, but certainly above the average. Therefore, I never necessarily felt gifted, because my work was often not necessarily indicative of giftedness. I couldn’t narrow down what exactly made me gifted or set me apart for a while, until I slowly became aware that other people did not think like me, or write like me, and that not everyone could create a story from nothing as I could. Then I realized that I was given a gift that made it hard to interact with people sometimes. I was more antisocial for a long time, but I slowly found others like me, and people who could appreciate the depth of understanding I had for the world. Some people envy the gifted, and wish that they themselves were gifted, and I struggled with this greatly as I went through my time in school and afterward. Why would God create some people to be gifted and others without that gift? It seemed unfair… until I got older, and my giftedness remained, and I realized what a double-edged sword it is.
Giftedness is something wonderful, that much is true. But it impacts you in ways you cannot begin to imagine when you first learn what giftedness means. It doesn’t make your life more easy or more enjoyable – not in the slightest. It does make you different, and that differentness affects each gifted person in all sorts of unique ways. Some are more socially adept. Some are even less. I was the latter – it was hard for me to make friends, as I mentioned previously, and I grew up very differently in elementary school and middle school and high school from your average person. It was a more isolated existence for a long time, and though I did learn how to make friends, it was a skill that took me a long time to develop, longer than it would normally have. I cannot speak for all gifted people, but I can speak for myself – I have called this blog “A Thinker in Space,” because that is where my gift is most prominent. Some have said I am gifted in writing, and that may be true, but that gift is just a product of the world of my mind, a world that can sometimes be as frightening as it is wonderful. A gifted mind like my own is not one of comfort and prosperity – it is one of struggle and the never-ceasing desire for comprehension. It is a friend and an enemy, a chaotic world of interlacing thought processes and imagination that is hard and sometimes impossible to stop. I have grown up learning to streamline thought and bring order to that chaos, because when one lives in a world such as this, one cannot let himself drown in the endless world of his own mind.
How does this translate into a more measurable issue in my life? Well, the greatest struggle I have with the world is being scatterbrained. When so many things are going on at once within my head, it is hard to focus on specific things that are more concrete. This makes it easy to forget things, quite easy. I frequently place an object on a surface and then mere minutes later cannot find it, or forget homework assignments, or sit down to do something and immediately completely forget what it was. Another more measurable result is relationships. The gift of my mind allows me to be extremely empathetic to others’ feelings, and perceptive to what they are going through, something that can be extremely detrimental to me – the depth of empathy is so great that it begins to weigh on me as if I was going through whatever they are, hurting my focus on other things and making it hard to continue to walk through normal everyday life. However, it also means that I can love very deeply, completely, and that I am ever-forgiving. This is something I treasure wholeheartedly, but also can get me into trouble.
I could continue to list the struggles of my giftedness, as I do have quite a few. But though this giftedness can be a struggle as much as it can be a blessing, it is certainly something I wouldn’t trade for the world. I love my mind, I love every chaotic spark in the world of madness behind my eyes. Writing allows me to take these thoughts and put them into words, like a funnel – it takes disjointed thoughts and puts them into sentences so that others can hear what is going on inside my head. I have been given a gift, and I hope that through things like this blog, and, eventually, published works (fingers crossed), I can share that gift with the world, rather than containing it within me like a flow of water ready to burst. God gave me this gift for a reason, He has already shown me that the most important thing I can do with it for now is to share it. And share it I shall, when it is easy and when it is difficult. If you are not gifted, God has blessed you in other ways. Your gifts and talents are different from those who would be called “gifted,” but they are there, and they are beautiful. Use them to glorify Him and help shape the lives of those around you. If you are gifted, don’t bottle up your gift within you. Share it with the world. You may think no one wants to hear your voice, but perhaps the one person who hears it will be the one person who needs to hear it. Don’t let the world’s sometimes crushing normalcy bring you down – shine like a spark in the darkness and give light to those around you who may loathe the dark as much as you do.